The Expendables: expendable

I went and saw The Expendables on Sunday. I thought it was fun, although I was disappointed in some of the bad tech (visible lines from laser sights, Hollywood explosions abound). It was a good “shut your brain off and enjoy your popcorn” movie. What follows may or may not classify as a “spoiler”. I mean, there’s really not much you won’t see coming from a mile off. My recommendation: see it on DVD, or in the second-run theatre.

For all the hype this movie got over the big list of big names, it really boiled down to being a Stallone/Statham buddy flick. These two were the dominant faces on the screen, although there was a fairly lengthy sequence that was all Stallone/Li. Austin/Lundgren as bad guys tied for 4th in terms of face time, I think. Arnie’s appearance was purely gratuitous and could be measured in seconds. Bruce Willis’ presence was nearly as brief and meaningless. The others all got half-way decent supporting roles. MMA fans will love the fight between Austin and Couture, as brief as it was. I give the movie bonus points for the Atchison (?) full-auto shotgun, and mega bonus points for the use of a straight razor; both wielded by the same character (Terry Crews). There were just a few good lines in the entire movie, which was disappointing, but let’s be honest…. nobody is lining up to see this movie for the dialogue.

Best actor: Mickey Rourke by a landslide. And he didn’t even see any action.
Best fight: Li versus Lundgren / speed versus size
Most ridiculous moment: There were many to choose from, but when the sea plane went on the attack, I LOL’d
Best weapon: Full auto shotgun FTW! (but I want to own that straight razor…)
Surprise appearance: I was very pleasantly surprised to see David Zayas (Angel Batista from “Dexter”)

And just when you thought the movie was going to be predictable Hollywood from start to finish: The hero did *not* go off into the sunset with the girl. Probably because he’s old enough to be her grandfather. 😉

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