How to quit caffeine

I have quit caffeine twice in my life (and I probably ought to quit it again, but I’m not going to), so this comic was particularly funny to me, since it’s really quite serious and accurate. Caffeine is an addictive drug that doesn’t cause too much pleasure (and so is not banned by law), and if you don’t think it’s addictive, drink 6 Cokes a day for a month and try to stop. You will not be happy with what you learn. Caffeine wants to be consumed. Plus, like “high fructose corn syrup”, it’s damned hard to avoid.
When I quit the first time, I got back on the drug for purely hedonistic reasons. The second time I quit, I went on a business trip to Japan, where the phrase “caffeine-free” doesn’t seem to exist. The Japanese put caffeine into chewing gum, for crying out loud. Of course, Americans had to copy that, but the point is that while they imported Coke, they did not bother to import Caffeine Free Coke. I think their version of Sprite even had caffeine in it, despite the domestic version being caffeine free. No such thing as a caffeine free tea over there, either, near as I could tell.

So between the suffering of quitting and the difficulty of staying off, I’ve decided to just embrace the addiction.

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Comments

  • Margo  On August 27, 2007 at 7:16 am

    Coffee puts the system under the strain of metabolizing a deadly acid-forming drug, depositing its insoluble cellulose, which cements the wall of the liver, causing this vital organ to swell to twice its proper size. In addition, coffee is heavily sprayed. (Ninety-two pesticides are applied to its leaves.) Diuretic properties of caffeine cause potassium and other minerals to be flushed from the body.

    Get the real scoop on coffee at CaffeineAwareness dot org
    And if you drink decaf you wont want to miss this special FREE report on the Dangers of Decaf available at soyfee dot com

  • wolfger  On August 27, 2007 at 7:43 am

    How cute. Spam is now spelling out “dot org” and “dot com” to avoid spam filters. My apologies if you’re an actual human with some strange aversion to typing URLs, but I think that’s actually unlikely. Thanks for the helpful advice Margo, but I don’t drink coffee.

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