Free sex toys

I heard earlier today from somebody online that Babeland is giving away up to $500 worth of sex toys to one lucky winner, and also a couple of $125 prizes to the blog post that generates the most comments. I doubt I can generate that many comments, but the $500 prize is a random draw. I just have to blog about what it is I’d like to win…

So this is your warning. If you don’t want to know about what sex toys I’d like to win, stop reading right now.

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Last chance.

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You don’t really want to know, do you?

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OK, you asked for it.

(pervert!)

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Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge ($69.95). Because I have the original Pirates, and I like porn with plot.
Upload ($50). Never heard of this movie before, but it’s award-winning porn-with-plot with a tech theme.
Fleshlight Vulva ($65). If you’ve ever surfed the internet for porn, you’ve seen the ads for this, and I want to know (as long as it’s free) if it lives up to the hype.
Liberator Black Label Cuffs (wrist/black $35). Because improvised restraints can be a pain sometimes.
Liberator Black Label Cuffs (ankle/black $40). Because improvised restraints can be a pain sometimes.
We-Vibe ($130). It’s on the best seller list, and it’s made for couples to use, so I figure (especially at that price) that it’s got to be good.
Babeland Beginner’s Strap-On Kit ($80). They say “it’s better to give than to receive”, but receiving ain’t bad either.

sub-total: $469.95
Sex toys ain’t cheap…

Now if you’ve read this far, you may as well leave a comment. Because you and I could win $125 each if you do.

Muppet fetish?

One of my posts that’s fairly active, surprisingly and amusingly, is Muppet Sex. Every so often when I check my stats, it’s in the most-visited pages of the day and/or the most-searched-for terms that gave a result for my site. So I feel I kind of have to share this disturbing video (visually safe for work, though the song lyrics obviously are not) of Miss Piggy singing “Fuck the Pain Away”, by Peaches. It’s really a well done video, for all that I want to scrub my brain clean now. Oh, and I got that link from somebody on Twitter, too… Wonder if it’s the same person.

This seems to be a trend of sorts. Muppets and sex. What a bizarre fetish. That apparently quite a few people have.

edit: I just noticed that the original post was made almost exactly a year ago. In that time it’s been viewed 253 times. That’s more than 2 views every 3 days. Kinda scary. Also I did a Google search on the singer, Peaches, and this video is one of the first-page results.

All you can… eat. Or be eaten by. Or….

The “global downturn” is impacting nearly every industry. Take this heartbreaking story of how brothels in Germany are having to actually offer discounts, for example. (Heartbreaking because I’m not in Germany)

Berlin’s “Pussy Club” has attracted media attention with its headline-grabbing “flat rate” — a 70-euro admission charge for unlimited food, drink and sex between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.

That’s quite a deal. But that’s working hours, and how does an unemployed Berliner afford 70 Euros? I’m betting the guys who work night shift are loving it, though.

“Our offer might sound like it’s too good to be true, but it’s real. You can eat as much as you want, drink as much as you want and have as much sex as you want.”

All that’s missing is a comfy bed to sleep in, and a guy could give up the lease on his apartment…

Sex for gas: why not?

Was sent this link earlier today, about a guy who traded a $100 pre-paid fuel card for sex. A local prosecutor said it “was sad to see someone selling their body for gas“.
I think it’s sad that the government forbids people from buying or bartering for sex outside of marriage (which is, after all, an exchange of 50% of your total net worth for sex).What next? Arrests for taking your date to an expensive restaurant in exchange for sex? Why can I pay somebody to clean my septic tank, but I can’t pay somebody to have fun with me for an hour? Does that make any sense? Our government pays people to kill on a regular basis, but paying for sex is wrong. Our society is truly messed up.

Muppet sex (don’t say I didn’t warn you)

OK, bear with me here, because this is going to be surreal… But on Twitter today, somebody said:

Discussing muppet threesomes–could Miss Piggy have a threesome?

My immediate response was:

miss piggy is total dom and could easily have a threesome. Probably with Kermit and Gonzo

and a third person said:

Thanks. Now I have a mental image of Miss P. with a flogger, Kermit on a leash, and Gonzo with a ball gag in his mouth.

Person #4 chimed in:

Miss Piggy? Remember “Pigs In Space!” All those long space voyages…

Of course, I don’t tell you all this just to warn you away from Twitter forever, but because my warped mind went and elaborated on the theme. So, maybe you should stay away from Twitter and me…

Miss Piggy seems like a total domme, and she’s got Kermie wrapped around her stubby finger, so I say she can do whatever she wants. Gonzo is the logical choice for a threesome, because he’s submissive and adventurous. As opposed to Beaker, who is submissive and cowardly. If Miss Piggy approached Beaker about sex (much less a threesome), his head would asplode.

Now on the other hand, many socially assertive people are actually submissive in bed. I can totally see Animal giving it to Piggy hard and fast, with one or more of his band members joining in, in one fashion or another. She would never tell Kermit…

Thoughts?

What’s the point?

A Polish couple is getting a divorce. This is newsworthy why? Because the event that precipitated the divorce was the man going to a brothel. Again, this is newsworthy why? Because one of the working girls at the brothel turned out to be his wife, who was supposedly working “at a store in a nearby town”. OK, instant headline.

This divorce is just stupid. The article doesn’t say which one of the couple initiated the divorce, but the way I see it, neither one of them has any grounds to ask for one. They were both going out and having sex on the side. Only difference is, one was paying for it, the other was getting paid for it. Maybe the man wanted a divorce because he was jealous that his wife could make money having sex? Maybe the woman wanted a divorce because the husband wouldn’t pay her? Seems to me that they’d both be happier if they could get over this pettiness and keep doing what they’re doing. Maybe he could get an employee discount there since his wife works….

Soybrator

I’m not sure you can make something both biodegradable and wind-up, but I think it’s a nifty idea anyhow.

It’s hump day! No, seriously.

I just read a story about a province in Russia that has declared this Wednesday (September 12th) to be a real hump day. The governor “urged couples to skip work and make love instead to help boost Russia’s low birth-rate.” How cool is that? But wait, there’s more! Later in the story it says he “told employers to contribute to a Kremlin campaign to boost the birth rate by giving couples Wednesday off to have sex.” A national (regional?) holiday for having sex. Why couldn’t the Puritans have fled from Europe to Russia instead of to here? But the story still gets better.

If the baby is born in exactly 12 months (June 12th), the lucky mother qualifies for a prize up to and possibly including a new house. Talk about your incentives. People in the USA will have a baby just to qualify for more welfare. Apparently this year a lucky couple was given a jeep for their June 12 baby.

“The scheme is working. People want the prizes,” he said.

You think? Heck I think just a mid-week holiday and some encouragement would do the trick. Prizes are overkill.

Two of my favorites

Angelina Jolie and Helen Hunt

Pot shot

I’m not sure if this shows why abstinence-only education is stupid, or if it shows that abstinence truly is the best policy… It sure does show the hypocrisy our society has when it comes to sex, though.