Patridiots

You’ve seen them or heard them. You might even know them. Patriotic idiots. Seen here defacing an American flag and making light of larceny. These people are the reason the rest of the world looks down on us.

It’s almost over. It’s almost over. It’s almost over…

“Fifteen months ago, Americans were worried about the prospect of failure in Iraq. Today, thanks to the surge, we’ve renewed and revived the prospect of success.”
- PRESIDENT BUSH.

Less than 7 months until we determine his replacement. The time can’t possibly go by quickly enough. I mean, who exactly was ever “worried about failure”? Has he even defined the conditions for success yet? This is a war that can never be won, short of genocide. We’ll keep fighting over there until somebody with half a brain becomes commander-in-chief. Hopefully that actually happens.

Hypocrisy

Ah, yes, beautiful 2008. The year we get rid of the Bush regime, assuming he doesn’t proclaim a national emergency and institute martial law before November. Despite my general happiness at being in the home stretch of what has been an awful 8 years, it will surely be a year of annoyance as well, since I generally am loathe to hear what comes out of any politician’s mouth.
McCain said:

“We are going to prove that you can’t buy an election in the state of New Hampshire — and we are also going to prove that negative attack ads don’t work either.”

Because, you know, accusing your opponent of trying to buy the election isn’t a “negative attack” at all…

Bill Richardson refers to Bill Richardson in the third-person:

“With Bill Richardson, you get change and you get experience. You have to have experience to change things. I have a record.”

People want change, and this genius thinks “having a record” is a good thing. Sorry. If you “have a record”, you are part of what we want to change away from.

Ron Paul stretches his credibility:

“The big trouble that we have over the last year was you know, getting our message out. And now, the money is flowing in, the money comes in faster than we can spend it. Because when people hear this message, they get so excited about it.”

Money is coming in faster than a politician can spend it? Inconceivable!
Also, I’m not sure about “big trouble getting our message out” considering all the reports I’ve heard of Ron Paul spam…

Asshole of the Week: Paul Krassner

Paul Krassner at the Huffington Post labeled Gen. Wesley Clark his “Asshole of the Week”. Now I have a lot of respect for Clark, and I even registered as a Democrat (painful as that was) to vote for him in the 2004 primary, so when I learned this little tidbit, I ran right over to read why, exactly, somebody thinks he’s an asshole now. Maybe because he’s not running for president again? That wouldn’t be worthy of calling him an asshole, but I could certainly get behind the sentiment.

Sadly, no. Mr. Krassner is instead blasting Mr. Clark “for waiting until recently to reveal to Amy Goodman on ‘Democracy Now’ the following”. Excuse me? WTF?!? Who the hell is Amy Goodman, that prominent political figures have to report to her in a timely fashion? I call bullshit. This story that Clark “waited until recently to reveal” is a story I’ve heard a long time ago. Like, before the 2004 election. Or possibly shortly after it. And I’m not making the assumption, like Mr. Krassner, that the first time I hear it is the first time it’s been told.

So for wrongly lambasting a good man, not doing due diligence as a journalist, making an idiotic assumption, and forcing me to break my moratorium on negative blog posting, I ward Paul Krassner with my Asshole of the Week award. Congratulations, Paul.

We ain’t nuthin’ like *THEM*

“This is not any subversive thing like trying to legalize marijuana
or whatever. This is just practical agriculture. We’re desperate for
something that can make us some money.”

That’s real nice. Legalizing hemp so a farmer can make a buck is more important than legalizing medical marijuana, which could (in addition to making a lot of money for farmers) alleviate a lot of pain and suffering? I really get sick to my stomach whenever some asshole uses the “we ain’t like them” defense in trying to get something legalized. Quit beating down your fellow man. Stand together.

But the fight over hemp is not political or philosophical, people here
say. It lacks any counterculture wink, any hint of the fear some hemp
opponents express that those trying to legalize hemp secretly hope to
open the door to the plant’s more potent cousin.

It’s not political or philosophical? Bullshit. It’s political as all hell. It’s philosophical too, really. The philosophy here is that the government shouldn’t be outlawing things that don’t really hurt people. But the good capitalists of North Dakota want to frame this solely as soulless capitalism. Just trying to turn a buck. Just trying to make a living. Just looking across the Canadian border at some successful hemp farms that ship hemp products to the USA….

“We’re not wide-eyed liberals,” Mr. Johnson said.

Heaven forbid. Nothing worse than being a goddamned liberal!

Of course, it’s not just the farmers (who I’m actually on the side of, despite their hypocrisy and good-ol’-boy-ishness) that are pissing me off. The people opposed to legalizing hemp are idiots too.

“Everyone here knows everyone,” Mr. Thoreson said, “and yet we’ve had a
huge problem here with homegrown methamphetamine labs, too.”

Well hell… what’s worse? Meth or marijuana? This isn’t a trick question, and it’s not a hard one, either. Meth is at least a thousand times worse than pot. So why are you fighting so hard against pot? Maybe if you made it easier to grow pot, your meth problem would decrease. Two birds, one stone. Help a farmer, reduce the drug problem. Exchange a truly toxic drug for one that ain’t so bad. Or are people still under the delusion that we can “win” this 20-some-year-old “war on drugs”?

Governer Bill Richardson confesses to being an illegal alien

“It’s a great honor to be here, but I have a little beef with the NAACP. You just had Tom Tancredo up here, and I think he wants to send me back to Mexico.”

Seeing as how nobody wants to deport legal immigrants, I can only assume that Richardson is either an illegal immigrant, or a jerk taking a cheap shot at a rival by stretching the truth really, really thin… Either way, I won’t be voting for him for president. Nor will I be voting for John Edwards, who calls the gangster-style mayor of Detroit “one of the great young leaders in America”.

“Equal” rights idiocy

The running of the bulls in Pamplona may soon be accompanied by the running of the cows. Some women are upset that “they still represent a tiny minority of the thousands of runners who attempt to dodge 600-kilo bulls along an 800-metre course through the streets of Pamplona”. The solution, it seems, is to create a separate event and forbid males (human or bovine) from participating at all. Because, clearly, creating a sexist event creates equality among the sexes. Or something like that.

This is not without precedent. Not by a long shot. There’s been a Miss Black America pageant for a long time now. Yes, even after black women were allowed into Miss America competitions. Yes, even after black women starting winning Miss America competitions. No, other races are not allowed to enter the Miss Black America pageant. Somehow, people are convinced this isn’t racist.

Congress to tax virtual goods?

CNET news is reporting that congress is close to releasing the Joint Economic Committee’s report on virtual goods, and whether or not to tax them. No, I’m not making this up. The greedy buggers in Washington want to charge you real money for stuff that you’re paying fake money to not really own. My opinion on this is that if they want to tax make-believe items, we should pay our taxes with make-believe dollars. Sounds perfectly fair, doesn’t it? Dan Miller (former Republican congressman from Florida, now “senior economist” on the committee) says:

“Given growth rates of 10 to 15 percent a month, the question is when, not if, Congress and IRS start paying attention to these issues. So it is incumbent on us to set the terms and the debate so we have a shaped tax policy toward virtual worlds and virtual economies in a favorable way.”

Now “in a favorable way” means absolutely nothing unless you’re a mind reader, and I’m not completely up to date on my weasel-speak, but it sure sounds to me like this goober is in favor of stealing our real money when we acquire make-believe crap. Unfortunately, he’s no longer in an elected position, so we can’t vote the goober out if he makes the wrong decision.

The high cost of doing the right thing

Bob spent $1,200 to convert his car from diesel to bio-diesel. Then he started buying soybean oil, at 30% over the cost of diesel, to fuel his car. Now the state of North Carolina is fining him $1,000 for failing to post a $2,500 bond that the law requires for using vegetable oil as a fuel.
The problem, of course, is that he’s not paying state taxes.

“With the high cost of fuel right now, the department does recognize
that a lot of people are looking for relief,” said Reggie Little,
assistant director of the motor fuel taxes division. “We’re not here to hurt the small guy, we’re just trying to make sure that the playing field is level.”

Well, that might be a fine argument if he was actually saving any money, but he’s not. So Reggie’s idea of “leveling the playing field” is to fine a person for using a fuel that’s already more expensive? Maybe Reggie should do a little fact finding before opening his mouth in front of a reporter next time.

Married people in Michigan go to jail

That’s the search phrase somebody used to get to my site within the past 12 hours, so you know I had to google it to see what’s up. Seems Michigan is busy being stupid again. Adultery can land you a life sentence. Unfortunately, the article linked to is a dead URL, but I can point to one exceedingly scary fact: If you’re a man, you don’t need to be married to commit adultery. That’s right. If you pick up a girl in a bar and have a little fling, and it turns out she’s married, you’re a felon! Congratulations. Note that the same is not true of a single woman having a fling with a married man. Why is that? Why is adultery even a felony in the first place? Grounds for divorce, sure. Huge alimony payment, sure. Felony? That’s crazy.